


The Lamentable Despair of the Quartermaster of MI6 and His Two Most Least Favorite Agents That He Also Seems To Be Dating

by Venstar



Series: 2020 007 Fest Works [8]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Other, i don't even remember what i wrote anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25572073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: for Shireya's prompt from the 007 fest collab prompt table. I’d like a 00Q00 (the other double-oh can an OC of yours or Alec, totally up to you) with the two agents sharing a mission and Q despairing their antics as their handler slash boyfriend. Bonus points for appearances by R and Eve and general sassiness.
Relationships: James Bond/Q/Alec Trevelyan
Series: 2020 007 Fest Works [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809820
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	The Lamentable Despair of the Quartermaster of MI6 and His Two Most Least Favorite Agents That He Also Seems To Be Dating

**Author's Note:**

> just....it's a prompt fill. okay go with it.

Regrets are unprofessional but oh boy was Q regretting now. Why. Why...Why....Why? Why on this godforsaken planet of all the people in the world he decided oh hey yeah sure, I’ll go out with you. To two of the MOST idiotic people in the world? True, you could bounce a quarter of their backsides but surely there were more of those somewhere. Q flicked his eyes away from his screen and watched as 004 drank tea with Minion #234256. He had a nice arse AND he brought HIS equipment back.

“Q? Q, dear, are we bothering you?”

Q didn’t hesitate to answer. “Yes. Yes, you actually are. Could you and 006 PLEASE stop playing with the Russian tanks and PLEASE get back to doing what you went there for. I shudder to think what Mallory will say about the embassy that you two just destroyed.”

“It needed replacing.” James’s voice came over the line clear, dry, and just as snooty as ever.

Alec chimed in with his own opinion. “It was old. The plumbing was shitty.” 

Q rolled his eyes at the awful jokes. Why him? Why dear God, why.

“006…” Q dragged Alec’s name across all the consonants he could, making the three simple numbers drag out almost as long as the obsolete german word for testing and labeling beef.

“What, Mishka, you should be grateful. The sooner we get out of here the sooner we can get back to you and to the screw-”

“Might I remind you that this conversation is being recorded.” Q interrupted 006 before he got vulgar.

“Ah, sorry. Should have said fucking, then.”

Q threw his arms up in the air. “Unbelievable.”

“Ooh, kinky,” R said, coming up from behind him and digging her elbow into the top of his shoulder. She picked up a headset and talked into it. “Tell me, 006, who’s usually on top? We have a bet going in the office and it would really help if I could win that one.”

006 laughed and Q couldn’t help it, he smiled in fucking fondness. Fondness for the arsehole on the other end of the line. Alec DID have a great laugh and yeah he’d do anything to keep it going. 

“Well. For you R, I will tell you-”

“Nothing. You will tell her nothing, 006. Focus. Or you will have bigger problems when you get home.”

“Oh does that mean Q daddy will punish us for being naughty?”

“Since when have you called him Q daddy?” 007 asked, keeping his tone casual. “Usually you call me daddy when I’m spanking you.”

R laughed at the two of them, but Q turned beet red from both anger and morbid embarrassment.

Q leaned forward on his workstation and hissed into his mic. “You seem to forget that the mission you were just on that was to infiltrate Russian’s ‘oh no we don’t have a secret military installation where we are compiling hidden missiles so that no one finds out and we can take over the world when we want to’, where I then successfully hacked into that system and now have access to those same hidden missiles and can actually AIM them at two boneheads that are trying to escape in a stolen Russian tank and are talking about spanking over a recorded line. Try me and I will end you.”

There was silence from R, the bullpen, and the other two men in the far-distant East.

“I don’t know whether I’m turned on or scared right now, Jameska.” 006 said.

007 could only be heard chuckling in the background. “To be fair, he’s not the first Quartermaster to threaten us with missiles.”

“Yes, but I like it when this one does it. It’s much sassier.”

“Oh for the love of all that...you have ten seconds or I’m launching.”

“Alright Mishka, we will save our love talk for when we are both back in your bed when we are home, alright.”

Q made a sound, not unlike a boiling tea kettle. Thankfully 007, the slightly more sensible one came back on the line.

“We’ve got a problem…”

Q and R’s bodies both straightened and the tension between the four of them changed to one of complete and utter focus as they cooperated to plan an exit route. Once they were safe and home, Q might give them both a good welcoming shag...if they continued to behave. He smiled to himself as he worked alongside R to get them home. He didn’t always mind the misbehaving.


End file.
